Home > Money News > Five Reasons Why the New Penny Sucks

Five Reasons Why the New Penny Sucks

February 12th, 2009

The U.S. Mint released the new penny today to commemorate Abraham Lincoln’s birthday. It is supposed to show Lincoln’s humble beginnings, but I’ve had a look at them and quite frankly I think they suck and here’s why:

1.) Lincoln’s Log Cabin?
log I know Lincoln came from a poor upbringing and it’s very impressive that someone from his background could grow up to become the President of the United States. I mean, that’s the American Dream. If you work really hard you can achieve anything. I know that’s what they were going for when they wanted to put Lincoln’s log cabin on the new pennies, but it just doesn’t look good. It makes sense to put the white house or some other building we all know on a coin, but can anyone honestly identify Lincoln’s log cabin?

2.) Lincoln Sitting on the Job
job One of Lincoln’s most impressive feats was his ability to educate himself while holding a job as a rail splitter. He’s like some sort of combination of an intellect and a baller. But frankly, this coin looks like he’s just reading when he’s supposed to be working. I mean, if you found someone you hired to split rails like this, you’d probably be pretty pissed at them for not doing there job. I know the point they were trying to get across here, but there was probably a better way to do it.

3.) Giganto Lincoln
giant Ok, I know Lincoln was tall, but do you really expect me to believe that he’s 50 feet tall? Maybe this is one of those how tall the person seems type deals. Like, he seemed even bigger than he was because of his personality. Maybe that’s what they were going for. Also, I don’t want to hear anything about foreground. You know, as I’m writing this, the 50 foot Lincoln penny is really growing on me. Ok, so I guess Giganto Lincoln is the one penny design I like.

4.) New Penny Fails to Capture Lincoln
I think Lincoln’s story is one of the best stories of a President rising up on his own to become the most powerful person in the United States, but I don’t know if you can really capture his rise or at least the US Mint has failed to do so. I think President Obama has a similarly amazing background but again what would you put on a coin to show it? I can’t think of anything that wouldn’t look exceedingly crappy. I think the story of Lincoln’s rise is probably best left to film or television.

5.) Pennies Suck in General
My final quarrel is with pennies in general. They’re annoying. Quarters are good because you can use them for parking meters or a laundromat. Dimes and nickels I can deal with because you can buy candy with them occasionally. There is nothing you can buy for a penny. Nothing. The only point to having pennies is if you just bought something that’s $5.02 and you’d rather give the cash register two pennies instead of her giving you three more useless pennies. It’s a battle to get rid of your pennies. If I ever owned a store I would abolish pennies from the premises. So what way is this to repay one of our greatest Presidents? By putting him on our lowest and most despised monetary unit.

Money News

  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.